Teens and the Alluring Chemistry of the Digital World

Posted on April 16, 2014 by Michael Simon

Michael Simon: It's very hard to “opt out” of the digital world, because the digital world is more than just our interaction with digital media and devices. Our transactions as humans in the world right now are without a doubt being shaped by the dominant technologies, platforms and applications in the digital realm, just as we are busy shaping those technologies. I recently spent 20 hours on a plane, 3 hours on a train, and hiked 3 hours into a rain forest. As I sat listening to the sound of the rain—hoping I wouldn't get washed away—I caught a faint “whooshing” sound in the distance. Turn out it was another hiker, sending a text message.

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Posted in adolescent development, adolescents, adolescents and families in America, best parenting books, books on teens, Bustle, Bustle.com, Huffington Post, teens, teens and media, teens and parents, The Approximate Parent

Who Trusts You, Baby? Not Millennials, Evidently

Posted on March 09, 2014 by Michael Simon

A new study by Pew Research (Social & Demographic Trends) released on March 7, 2014, revealed the ways Millennials—emerging adults, age 18 to 33—see and respond to the world around them. Pew Research has been following this age group for over a decade and while the results of the surveys are relatively consistent over time, they differ in some surprising ways from previous generations, Generation X, Baby Boomers, and the Silent Generation. (The parameters for each descriptive category are found here.)

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Posted in 18-33, adolescent development, adolescents and families in America, Huffington Post, Millennials, Millennials and trust, Parenting teenagers, parenting teens, Pew Research, Pew Research Center, teens and media

The Approximate Parent wins 2013 Book Award for Best Parenting/Family Title!

Posted on January 19, 2014 by Michael Simon

The Bay Are Independent Publishers Association (BAIPA) selected The Approximate Parent: Discovering the Strategies That Work with Your Teenager (Fine Optics Press, 2012) as a winner of a 2013 Best Nonfiction Award (in the Parenting/Family/Relationships category). 

BAIPA is a network of publishing resources, including authors, editors, designers, reviewers and many other professionals in the Bay Area independent publishing community. Each year they review and consider hundreds of titles for inclusion in their annual awards. 

The Approximate Parent has won several independent book awards and is highly regarded by parents, clinicians and educators who work with teens. More information about the book can be found online at www.theapproximateparent.com or at Amazon.com.  

Posted in adolescent development, adolescents, award-winning books, award-winning parenting books, best parenting books, parenting books, Parenting teenagers, parenting teens, stress, teens, teens and media, The Approximate Parent

Book Review: The Approximate Parent

Posted on September 19, 2013 by Michael Simon

Cover of The Approximate Parent Review of The Approximate Parent: Discovering the Strategies That Work With Your Teenagers by Michael Y. Simon, LMFT Reviewed by Patricia Canestro, LMFT in The Therapist (Sept./Oct. 2013 issue).

The Approximate Parent: Discovering the Strategies That Work with Your Teenager by Michael Y. Simon, LMFT, is an excellent reference for therapists (and parents) because of its wealth of knowledge about the real life experiences of teens. Mr. Simon shares his 25 years of experience as a parent, family therapist, high school counselor, college educator, matched with a passion for “scientific research as a source for thinking about and understanding my world” (Simon, 2012, p. 11). This background makes him an expert in the field of adolescent development. He paints a world intimately colored by the emotional relationship with his father, a scientific researcher, and his own humbling experiences and mistakes as a father himself. The entire book is informed by the most important advances in brain/body research over the last 20 years. The book excels at laying out where research and practice meet in real life—explaining how parents can learn to improve their own parenting choices. It is apparent that Mr. Simon wants and needs to be of service in helping parents assess just what kind of a teenager they have and how to help them strategize case specific interventions that increase closeness in the family. He does this by helping readers reflect on their particular teen’s biology, temperament, and developmental challenges. I have shared sections of the book with clients, colleagues, and teens who all found it moving, engaging, relevant, and helpful.

Mr. Simon believes that the most important task parents can help their sons and daughters accomplish is “...to experience, articulate, and manage his/her emotions… Affect regulation is so crucial because the leading causes of adolescent morbidity and mortality are all related to difficulties with affect management” (Simon, 2012, p. 175). Chapter 8 in particular is oriented towards helping ease the difficulties that inevitably arise during the transition into and throughout adolescence.

In chapter 8, Family: How Parents Teach When They Aren’t Teaching, Simon explains why teens do some of the most challenging things they do. His application of Control-Mastery Theory—a relatively unknown cognitive-relational model based upon empirical studies over the last 50 years by Joe Weiss, Hal Sampson and members of the San Francisco Psychotherapy Research Group—is complex, but ultimately practical. Control-Mastery Theory offers clinicians a way of seeing that psychopathology stems from “pathogenic beliefs” or grim thoughts, behaviors and attitudes arising from children’s attempts at adaptation to their interpersonal worlds. These internalized, persistent “pathogenic beliefs” warn a child against pursuing normal development goals. While these beliefs and related affects, e.g., “If I ask anyone for help, I’ll be a burden to them,” may have been adaptive during childhood, they can prove restrictive as adolescence and young adulthood progresses. The list of common pathogenic beliefs of teenagers (p. 331) is invaluable, and in part explains so well why interventions that increase shame can be deeply detrimental to the adolescent’s developing autonomy. Mr. Simon applies the theory well to reinterpret difficult or inexplicable behaviors as types of “testing” that teenagers must, in fact, engage in to disprove the beliefs that might otherwise keep them from healthy development. The main payoff in this chapter is in supporting parents (and clinicians) to strategize around puzzling or disturbing behavior and to distinguish between normal, expectable behaviors and those more problematic ones.

The “Practical Help Tips” and extensive bibliography at the end of this (and every) chapter are invaluable resources for parents who want to understand more about the world of their teen. In Chapter 4, “Parenting in the Digital Age,” Mr. Simon gives a brilliant analysis of the power of the internet and digital media making the argument that the entire socialization process for adolescents cannot be understood without relation to the mutually-influencing processes of digital media use. The internet is not just a “tool” that teens use; they are shaped by digital media use as they in turn shape digital media. For that reason, Mr. Simon is passionate about promoting digital media literacy for youth and everyone who works with adolescents and pre-adolescents daily. His discussion of how adolescents think (and don’t think) about privacy, examining the impact of their digital media practices is especially pertinent.

The book beautifully covers basic adolescent development, sex and relationships, identity development, school, drug and alcohol use, the “big problems” of the teen years, and offers an ethical view of parenting. It has been well reviewed by bestselling authors Deborah Roffman, PhD, and Lynn Ponton, MD. Informed by the axiom that “one size doesn’t fit all,” The Approximate Parent offers anyone who wants to understand how to support the particular adolescents in their lives the tools for a successful approach.

Posted in adolescent development, adolescents, adolescents and families in America, award-winning parenting books, fineopticspress@gmail.com, Michael Y. Simon, parenting, parenting book reviews, parenting books, Parenting teenagers, teens and media, teens and parents, The Approximate Parent

Does Dopamine Really Determine Whether Your Child is A "Worrier" or "Warrior"?

Posted on March 02, 2013 by Michael Simon

 The following is my response to Karen Ryan's Los Angeles Times piece (2/16/13) entitled, "How Brains are Wired to Handle Stress:"

One of the most important things that interested readers can do when reading articles that popularize ongoing scientific research is to first ask: How is what I’m reading NOT applicable to human beings right now? Is your child “bad” at clearing dopamine from the prefrontal cortex during periods of stress?  It's the wrong question.

The way anyone “responds” to anything is always about epigenetics, or the interaction of genes and environment. The study of the COMT gene has proceeded by studying a new strain of mice created in the laboratory that lacked the COMT gene (Gogos et al., 1998).  These mice were created specifically to (eventually) better understand the role of the COMT gene in how humans respond to stress. Humans and mice are very similar (genetically) but tales told of mice and (wo)men have to be taken with more than a grain of salt. The work of people like Mannisto and Kaakkola on COMT mouse biochemistry is continuing today, as is Diana Armbruster’s work looking at how children’s cortisol levels responded under social stress, based on the children’s COMT genotype. It is far too early to say that we know exactly the function of cortisol in the human stress response or whether we can talk about a COMT typology that holds under all circumstances.

Michael Y. Simon, LMFT

Author, The Approximate Parent: Discovering the Strategies That Work with Your Teenager

Posted in adolescent development, adolescents, Michael Y. Simon, stress, teens and parents, The Approximate Parent

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